Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
