fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
