Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
