Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
