i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
