We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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