I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
