It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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