Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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