It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
