apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
