i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
