Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
We smell like vodka and hangover
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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