I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
