question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
