no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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