so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
