I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize