The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Randomize
