drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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