I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
