omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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