I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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