Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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