I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize