i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize