then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
