my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
