That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
