Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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