we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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