He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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