I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
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Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
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Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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