I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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