It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
