my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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