True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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