dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
