I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
