I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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