I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
