I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
