Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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