whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
