I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
no, he came in my armpit
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
