There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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