Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
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Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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