do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
