Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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