he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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