$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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