Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
