I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
