It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize