He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
