I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
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There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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