8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize