New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
