the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
