Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
