no, he came in my armpit
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
